USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, “What trip?”
It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he […]
Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela are in an airplane with 20 kids. The airplane gets a failure and is doomed to crash. The plane hasonly 20 parachutes. Nelson Mandela, as a great humanitarian says that children should have them. Bill Clinton gets panicky and shouts, “SCREWTHE CHILDREN!!” Michael Jackson’s face lights up and […]
The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were often short-tempered. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird […]
Cessna: “Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.”Tower: “Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!”Cessna: “Uh…tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is.”
Pilot: “Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.”Tower: “Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!”Pilot: “Uh…tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is.” […]
Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: “Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water”.”Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks […]
How does the captain know the aircraft is safely at the ramp?Both the engines and the co-pilot stop whining.
An airplane was losing altitude over the Rocky Mountains. The pilot overthe intercom said that the entire luggage needed to be thrown overboardif they were to survive.After all the luggage was thrown the plane was still going down so theyasked for volunteers. A man from Paris went to the door and said, “Vivala France.” Next […]
From a Southwest Airlines employee: “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this aircraft…”
A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, “How long does it take to fly to Boston?”The clerk said, “Just a minute…””Thank you,” the man said and hung up.
As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. “Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?” she asked. “No, thanks,” replied the vultures. “They’re carrion.”
