One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercialairliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to showup so they can get underway. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane,and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is […]

From the pilot during his welcome message: “We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry… Unfortunately none of them are on this flight.

Pilot: Tower, please call me a fuel truck. Tower: Roger. You are a fuel truck.

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks “And get me a whisky you cow!” The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is […]

According to “The Australian,” an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight.The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign.The vibration stopped immediately.A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside.

Part of a Flight Attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of us here at US Airways.”

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,”Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and […]

Another flight Attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”

Tower: Shamu two-two, please state estimated time of arrival. Pilot: Ok, let’s see…, I think Tuesday would be nice…

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job, and I’m staying in […]

A man is flying from Los Angeles to New York. During the meal service, he accidentally knocked the spoon off to the aisle with his elbow. The flight attendant immediately took a spoon from his pocket and placed it on his tray table. The man was very impressed by the promptness of the service and […]

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. During the final days at Denver’s old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled.A single agent was rebooking a long line […]