After the first takeoff of the fully automatic airplane, the passengers heard the soothing, reassuring voice of the pilot: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your automatic pilot. In my modern and carefully tested sytem an error is absolutely impossible, absolutely impossible, absolutely impossible, …”

A pilot and a co-pilot were descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield, and suddenly exclaimed to the co-pilot: “Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I’ve never seen one that short!”The co-pilot looked out the windshield. “Wow! you’re right! That’s incredible! […]

A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the air, “Anything you can do, I can do better.”The veteran bomber pilot answered, “Try this hot-shot.”The B-52 continued its flight, straight […]

Little boy to airline pilot: “You’re a pilot?!?!? That must be exciting.” Pilot: “Not if I do it right.”

“Hello flight 56, if you hear me rock your wings..””OK TOWER, IF YOU HEAR ME ROCK THE TOWER!!”

“Flight 1234, are you ready to copy holding instructions?””Center, make that request on the next frequency….”

On a flight with EasyJet back in 1997 the pilot made what can only be describes as an extremely heavy landing at Luton. It was very early in the morning and a number of passenger around me looked quite alarmed as, apartfrom the noise, a number of overhead lockers dropped open and several items of […]

ATC: “Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions? ” Cessna: “To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating.” ATC: “I meant in the next five minutes not years.”

I have a friend who is a pilot on a 747.I said “Hi Jack.”He shot me.

A husband suspects his wife is having an affair with a pilot, but she keeps denying it–until finally the husband just knew when his wife said: “Honey, I’ve told you once, I’ve told you twice, I’ve told you niner thousand times, negative on the affair …” […]

All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.One guy asked, “If our chute doesn’t open, and the reserve doesn’t open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?”Our jump […]

A small twin-prop commuter plane was hijacked by a desperate animal rights extremist who vowed to kill one of the passengers to demonstrate his serious intentions. There were two passengers present, a microbiologist and a yeast geneticist. The hijacker gave each one two minutes to explain why they shouldn’t be killed. The microbiologist (who studied […]