Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard?Someone told him he should get an apple Mac

What kind of apple has a short temper?A crab apple.

What is the left side of an apple?The part that you don’t eat.

What kind of apple isn’t an apple?A pineapple.

School lunches are not generally popular with those that have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason. “What kind of pie do you call this ?” asked one schoolboy indignantly.”What’s it taste of ?” asked the cook. “Glue!” “Then it’s apple pie, the plum pie tastes of soap.”

How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden

How does an apple a day keep the doctor away? When you take careful aim.

What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.

Once upon a time there were five apples Which was the cowboy? None – because they were all redskins.

What can a whole apple do that half an apple can’t do? It can look round.

How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.