Once upon a time there was a beautiful oil company. All day long she loved to run up and down the share price list, laughing and skipping. But one day she was very sad, because she couldn’t find an interim dividend anywhere and she knew people would be very angry if she couldn’t produce it.”What’s […]
Why did God invent economists?So accountants could have someone to laugh at.
What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?His desk is level
Who was the first accountant?Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.
There once was an accountant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In fact, she made sure that every job she did resulted in a win-win situation.One day while walking down the street she was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul […]
How do you know accountants have no imagination?They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.
What’s a shy and retiring accountant?An accountant who is half a million shy and that’s why he’s retiring.
A man walking along a country road comes across a farmer droving a huge mob of sheep. He stops and chats for a while and then says, “Tell you what, I’ll bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in that flock.”The farmer thinks for a moment, […]
A patient was at her doctor’s office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, “I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live.”The patient asked, “Oh doctor, what should I do?” The doctor replied, “Marry an accountant.” “Will that make me live longer?” asked the patient. “No,” […]
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.””Have you tried counting sheep?””That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”
