A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, “What is two and two?”The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was “Twenty-two.”The second was a social worker. She said, “I don’t […]
When does a person decide to become an accountant?When he realises he doesn’t have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?Depreciation.
Laws of Accounting1. Trial balances don’t2. Bank reconciliations never do3. Working Capital does not4. Return on Investments never will
Once upon a time there was a beautiful oil company. All day long she loved to run up and down the share price list, laughing and skipping. But one day she was very sad, because she couldn’t find an interim dividend anywhere and she knew people would be very angry if she couldn’t produce it.”What’s […]
Why did God invent economists?So accountants could have someone to laugh at.
What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?His desk is level
Who was the first accountant?Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.
There once was an accountant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In fact, she made sure that every job she did resulted in a win-win situation.One day while walking down the street she was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul […]
An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: “This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old”.”Where did you get this exact information?” “I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old.”
A patient was at her doctor’s office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, “I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live.”The patient asked, “Oh doctor, what should I do?” The doctor replied, “Marry an accountant.” “Will that make me live longer?” asked the patient. “No,” […]
