There once was an accountant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In fact, she made sure that every job she did resulted in a win-win situation.One day while walking down the street she was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul […]
How do you know accountants have no imagination?They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.
What’s a shy and retiring accountant?An accountant who is half a million shy and that’s why he’s retiring.
A man walking along a country road comes across a farmer droving a huge mob of sheep. He stops and chats for a while and then says, “Tell you what, I’ll bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in that flock.”The farmer thinks for a moment, […]
Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?They find bookkeeping too exciting.
There are three kinds of accountants in the world.Those who can count and those who can’t.
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.His friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?”The businessman replies, “That’s the accountant we’re looking for.”
An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows him three identical parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot on the left costs $500.””Why does that parrot cost so much?” asks the accountant.”Well,” replies the owner, “it knows how to do complex audits.””How much does the middle parrot […]
A patient was at her doctor’s office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, “I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live.”The patient asked, “Oh doctor, what should I do?” The doctor replied, “Marry an accountant.” “Will that make me live longer?” asked the patient. “No,” […]
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.””Have you tried counting sheep?””That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”
Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two’s […]
