Q: What is a Budget? A: An orderly system for living beyond your means.

What’s the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?Go into town and gang-audit someone.

Why did the auditor cross the road?Because he looked in the file and that’s what they did last year.

An auditor is checking the books of an airline. He is puzzled by the excess use of fuel on a Melbourne to Canberra flight. He rings up the pilot and asks for an explanation.”It was late at night’” says the pilot, “Canberra was covered in fog and I lost my bearings.””I’m sorry,” says the auditor, […]

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?”What kind of answer did you have in mind?”Two, one to change the light bulb and one to check that it was done within the given budget.

What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?It’s 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait – 13 seconds, no wait – 14 seconds, no wait……

Why did he cross back?So he could charge the client for travel expenses.

An auditor was examining the balance sheet of a mining company that had just bought a sheep station in the Pilbara area of Western Australia. The reason for the purchase was partly for the thousands of acres that the station covered and partly for the thousands of sheep that ranged over those thousands of acres. […]

What’s the definition of an accountant?Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.

The accountant’s prayer: Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant details, starting tomorrow at 10.53:16 am, Eastern Daylight Saving Time.

How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb?How many did it take last year?

Mr Evans was the Chief Accountant of a large manufacturing concern. Every day, on arriving at work, he would unlock the top drawer of his desk, peer at something inside, then close and lock the drawer. He had done this for 25 years. The entire staff was intrigued but no-one was game to ask him […]