A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: “Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary.”When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for […]

What’s an accountant’s idea of trashing his hotel room?Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

What would Economics be without assumptions?Accounting

“The auditors have just left, sir.””Did they check the books?””Very thoroughly.””What did they say?””They want 15% to keep quiet.”

Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: What sort of answer did you have in mind ?A: None-just assume it’s changed.

A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant.Her friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire an accountant a short while ago?”The business owner replies, “That’s the accountant I’ve been searching for.”

How do you drive an accountant completely insane?Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

What does CPA stand for?Can’t Produce Anything

The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient.”This is good news. It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart.”The patient is pleased. He asks, “What were their jobs?””One was a teacher and the other was an accountant.””I’ll take the accountant’s heart,” says the patient. “I want […]

What’s an extroverted accountant?One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.

A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with […]

What’s the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?Go into town and gang-audit someone.