What does an accountant use for birth control?His personality.

How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft?When he actually listens to Marketing before saying No

A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, “I’m a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We’re here to destroy your civilisation, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?” The owner replies, “I don’t have […]

An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn’t prove it. He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin. Time after time […]

Why accountants don’t read novels?Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.

What’s an extroverted accountant?One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.

When do accountants laugh out loud?When somebody asks for a raise

The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, “Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income […]

A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch.”I need someone with an accounting degree,” says the man, “but mainly I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.””How […]

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Want to hear an accountant joke?”The guy next to him replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I’m 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I’m an accountant. And the guy sitting next to me is 6’2” […]

What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone?Popular

Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays?They can wear casual clothes to work