A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant.Her friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire an accountant a short while ago?”The business owner replies, “That’s the accountant I’ve been searching for.”

How do you drive an accountant completely insane?Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

What does CPA stand for?Can’t Produce Anything

The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient.”This is good news. It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart.”The patient is pleased. He asks, “What were their jobs?””One was a teacher and the other was an accountant.””I’ll take the accountant’s heart,” says the patient. “I want […]

What’s an extroverted accountant?One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.

A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with […]

What’s the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?Go into town and gang-audit someone.

What does FCPA stand for?Finally Caught Pinching the Assets

The managing partner in an accounting firm is very annoyed with one of his junior partners and has called him in to chastise him.”How could you possibly advise the client in the way you did? That was completely unethical. We are always conscious of Ethics in this firm. You do know what Ethics is don’t […]

Q: What is a Budget? A: An orderly system for living beyond your means.

What’s the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?Go into town and gang-audit someone.

Why did the auditor cross the road?Because he looked in the file and that’s what they did last year.