Why did the goal post get angry?Because the bar was rattled!

What do you get if you drop a piano on a team’s defence?A flat back four!

Why are football grounds odd?Because you can sit in the stands but can’t stand in the sits!

What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game?Sorry, it was a freak hic!

Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom?Captain: Well, it could have been worse.Manager: How?Captain: There could have been more teams in the league!

Manager: I’ll give you fifty pounds a week to start with and a hundred pounds a week in a year’s time?Young player: OK, I’ll come back in a year’s time!

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply?Paul gas coin!

What did they call Dracula when he won the league?The champire!

Why didn’t the dog want to play football?It was a boxer!

How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle?Somebody took a corner!

What’s the chilliest ground in the premiership?Cold Trafford!

What part of a football pitch smells nicest?The scenter spot!