Q: What is the difference between Liverpool football and a tea bag? A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

What stories are told by basketball players ?Tall stories !

What is a runner’s favourite subject in school ?Jog-raphy !

Why do artists never win when they play football ?They keep drawing !

Ref:I’m sending you off Player: What for ?Ref: The rest of the match !

Did you hear about the football team who ate too much pudding ?They got jellygated !

What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded ?Bring on their subs !

What part of a football ground is never the same ?The changing rooms !

What is the bank manager’s favourite type of football ?Fiver side !

Why did the goal post get angry ?Because the bar was rattled !

Why are football grounds odd ?Because you can sit in the stands but can’t stand in the sits !

Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom ?Captain: Well, it could have been worse.Manager: How ?Captain: There could have been more teams in the league !