A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?” She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.” “No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?” “It is made […]
What’s the ultimate rejection?When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety.”Private,” the officer said, “I’m recommending you for a medal. You risked […]
Two Marines were sitting around talking one day. The first Marine asked the second Marine, “If they were to drop a bomb right now, what would be the first thing you would do?”The second Marine said, “I would screw the first thing that moved. What would you do?”The first Marine replied, “I would stand very […]
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I’m sorry,” The girl tells him. “We can’t allow animals in the cinema.” […]
Q: What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? A: What a lavaly day!
Q: What’s green and purple and goes up and down?A: Barney in an elevator.
Q: How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? A: Down in the mouth!
Q: What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
Q: Why doesn’t the dinosaur cross the road anymore?A: Because their eggs stink. (They’re extinct)
A husband and wife entered the dentist’s office. The husband said, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.””You’re a brave man,” said the dentist. “Now, show me which tooth it is.”The husband turns to his wife and […]
