Helpline? I’ve just pushed a piece of bacon into my disk drive!Has the computer stopped working?No, but there’s a lot of crackling.
Customer: I think I’ve got a bug in my computer.Repairman: Does your computer make a humming noise?Customer: Yes.Repairman: Then it must be a humbug!
Computer helpline?Everytime I log onto the seven dwarfs website my computer screen goes snow white….
“Do you turn on your computer with your left hand or your right hand?”” My right hand.”” Amazing!Most people have to use the on/off switch.”
A confused caller was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said that it ”could not find the printer.” The user had even tried turning the computer screen to face the printerbut his computer still could not ‘see’ the printer.
How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?Just one, provided there’s a programmer around to explain how to do it.
How many IBM employees does it take to change a light bulb?Fifteen. Five to do it, and ten to write document number GC7500439-001, Multitasking Incadescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only “This page intentionally left blank”.
How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb?One, to generate a “ChangeLightBulb” event to the socket.
How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?”You’re still thinking procedurally! A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class!”
How many maintenance programmers does it take to change a light bulb?None. They try to fix the old one.”We looked at the light fixture and decided there’s no point trying to maintain it. We’re going to rewrite it from scratch. Could you wait two months?”
A software verifier read in the Bible that God protects all fools, and decided to test it empirically. He jumped out of the window and broke a leg. There he lies, writhing in pain, and happily thinks: “I never really considered myself a fool, but I never knew I was THAT clever!”
The problem with physicists is that they tend to cheat in order to get results.The problem with mathematicians is that they tend to work on toy problems in order to get results.The problem with program verifiers is that they tend to cheat at toy problems in order to get results.
