What’s the definition of an accountant?Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?”What kind of answer did you have in mind?”Two, one to change the light bulb and one to check that it was done within the given budget.

Q: What is a Budget? A: An orderly system for living beyond your means.

A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with […]

A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant.Her friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire an accountant a short while ago?”The business owner replies, “That’s the accountant I’ve been searching for.”

A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: “Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary.”When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for […]

If an accountant’s wife cannot sleep, what does she say?”Darling, could you tell me about your work.”

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Want to hear an accountant joke?”The guy next to him replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I’m 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I’m an accountant. And the guy sitting next to me is 6’2” […]

Why accountants don’t read novels?Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.