What’s an extroverted accountant?One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.

Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: What sort of answer did you have in mind ?A: None-just assume it’s changed.

A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to “The Unknown Soldier”. At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: “Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg”.The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name.The resident replied, “As a soldier, that Seymour was […]

The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for.”Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.””Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home […]

A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch.”I need someone with an accounting degree,” says the man, “but mainly I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.””How […]

An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn’t prove it. He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin. Time after time […]

Three partners in an accounting firm go out to lunch. They are the audit partner, the tax partner and the senior partner. One of them sees a brass lamp lying in the gutter. Curious, they pick it up and give it a rub. Instantly, a genie appears.”You know the deal,” says the genie. “Three wishes. […]

An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows him three identical parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot on the left costs $500.””Why does that parrot cost so much?” asks the accountant.”Well,” replies the owner, “it knows how to do complex audits.””How much does the middle parrot […]

A man walking along a country road comes across a farmer droving a huge mob of sheep. He stops and chats for a while and then says, “Tell you what, I’ll bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in that flock.”The farmer thinks for a moment, […]

There once was an accountant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In fact, she made sure that every job she did resulted in a win-win situation.One day while walking down the street she was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul […]

Once upon a time there was a beautiful oil company. All day long she loved to run up and down the share price list, laughing and skipping. But one day she was very sad, because she couldn’t find an interim dividend anywhere and she knew people would be very angry if she couldn’t produce it.”What’s […]

A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, “What is two and two?”The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was “Twenty-two.”The second was a social worker. She said, “I don’t […]