Two girls were having their packed lunch in the school yard. One had an apple and the other said,’Watch out for worms won’t you !’The first one replied, ‘why should I ? They can watch out for themselves.

Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard’s on fire.

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.

How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.

What can a whole apple do that half an apple can’t do? It can look round.

Once upon a time there were five apples Which was the cowboy? None – because they were all redskins.

What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.

How does an apple a day keep the doctor away? When you take careful aim.

How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden

School lunches are not generally popular with those that have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason. “What kind of pie do you call this ?” asked one schoolboy indignantly.”What’s it taste of ?” asked the cook. “Glue!” “Then it’s apple pie, the plum pie tastes of soap.”

Fred came rushing in to his Dad. “Dad!” he puffed, “is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?” “That’s what they say,” said his Dad. “Well, give me an apple quick ? I’ve just broken the doctor’s window!”

How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.