A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime, and instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, “Guess who?”The controller switched the field lights off and replied, “Guesswhere!”

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy, which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a “Thanks for flying XYZ airline.” He said that in light of his […]

Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. Every year Fred would say, “Edna, I’d like to ride in that there airplane.” And every year Edna would say, “I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.” One year Fred and Edna went to […]

A man named Mr. Smith was flying from San Francisco to LA. Unexpectedly the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 30 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one […]

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. During the final days at Denver’s old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled.A single agent was rebooking a long line […]

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,”Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and […]

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercialairliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to showup so they can get underway. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane,and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is […]

No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need thedelay to make the flight.If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthestgate within the terminal.If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in […]

There were three guys in an airplane. One guy droppeda rock, another dropped a brick, and the last droppeda grenade.When they got back on the ground they were walkingdown the street and they saw a woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are they went up to ask her why she wascrying she said “A rock […]

An airplane was losing altitude over the Rocky Mountains. The pilot overthe intercom said that the entire luggage needed to be thrown overboardif they were to survive.After all the luggage was thrown the plane was still going down so theyasked for volunteers. A man from Paris went to the door and said, “Vivala France.” Next […]

Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela are in an airplane with 20 kids. The airplane gets a failure and is doomed to crash. The plane hasonly 20 parachutes. Nelson Mandela, as a great humanitarian says that children should have them. Bill Clinton gets panicky and shouts, “SCREWTHE CHILDREN!!” Michael Jackson’s face lights up and […]

A mother and her son were flying “Southwest Airlines” from Kansas toChicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to hismother and said, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats,why don’t big planes have baby planes?” The mother (who couldn’t think ofan answer) told her son to […]