A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.The barman refuses to serve him. “Why not,” asks the golf club.”You’ll be driving later,” replies the bartender.

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. “Does your dog bite?””No.”A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.”I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!” the man says indignantly.”That’s not my dog.”

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, “I vould like some blood.”The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, “I vould like some blood.”The waitress […]

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn’t drive.

John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain.When […]

A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.The bartender asks the seal, “What’s your pleasure?”The seal replies, “Anything but Canadian Club.”

John & Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, “I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.”Just then […]

A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk “do you live here?” “Yep”. “Would you like me to help you upstairs?” “Yep”. When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked “Is this your floor?” […]

A man walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots.” Bartender says, “You want them both now or one at a time?” The guy says,” Oh, I want them both now. One’s for me and one’s for this little guy here,” and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his […]

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the […]

A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy […]

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they […]