Old man O’Malley had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn’t paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned.The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the Widow O’Malley of her old man’s death. He showed up at […]

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced “a typical Texas baby” weighing twenty pounds.Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, “Aren’t you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?””Yup, […]

A man walks into a bar and asks for six shots of vodka. The bartender says, “Six shots? What’s wrong?””I found out my older brother is gay,” replied the man.The next night, he walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka. “What now?” asked the bartender.”I found out my younger brother […]

Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men twelve bottles of beer each. The scientists observed that 100% of the male test group gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn’t drive.No further testing is planned.

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately.When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.”Are you […]

A guy walks into a tavern. As he walked up to the bar he noticed a twelve-inch man playing the piano, so he asked the bartender, “What’s that all about?”The bartender told him he that would tell him later. So the guy asked the bartender for a drink. The bartender said, “Before you get your […]

One day a drunk walked into a bar and ordered a gin and tonic. He drank half of it and poured the rest on the bartender. The bartender got angry, grabbed the drunk by the collar, pulled him close to his face, and asked, “Why did you do that?” The drunk said very apologetically, “I […]

Twenty-four hours in a day… twenty-four beers in a case… coincidence?

It was Halloween and three vampires went into a saloon and bellied up to the bar. “What will you have?” the bartender asked. “I’ll have a glass of blood,” the first replied. “I’ll have a glass of blood, too, please,” said the second. “I’ll have a glass of plasma,” said the third. “OK, let me […]

Q: What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar? A: Ok you 2, dont start anything

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the […]

A man walks into a Kansas bar with his golden retriever. “Hey,” says the bartender, “No dogs allowed in the bar.” “Oh please?,” begs the customer.You see, you’re playing the Royals game, and my dog is a really big fan of the Royals.” “You’re trying to tell me that this here dog is a BASEBALL […]