A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, “Hey […]

A Russian walks into a bar and orders a beer. “That will be one ruble,” says the bartender. “One ruble!” the customer protests, “last week it was only fifty kopeks!” “Well,” replies the bartender, “it’s fifty kopeks for the beer and fifty kopecs for the perestroika.” Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender a ruble, and […]

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of pregnancy in the world. Proceed with caution.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can’t remember).

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

“Shhaaayyy, buddy, what’s a ‘Breathalyzer’?” asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool.”Well, I’d have to say that it’s a bag that tells you when you’ve drunk way too much,” answered the equally wasted gent.”Ah hell, whaddya know? I’ve been married to one of those for years!”

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?””No,” he replies, “I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just […]