Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please […]

In Alaska’s National Forests, a tourists guide was giving a talk to a group of tourists about hiking in grizzly bear territory: “Most bear encounters occur when hikers, being extra quiet along the trails in hopes of viewing wildlife, accidentally stumble into bears. The resulting suprise can be catastrophic.” To avoid this, he suggested that […]

Two anthropologists fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later one of them takes a canoe over to the other island to see how his colleague is doing. When he gets there, he finds the other anthropologist standing among […]

“Were you in Paris on your vacation?””I don’t know, my wife got the tickets.”

A pair of tourists were out in the fields when they discovered an abandoned well near an old farm house. Of course they’re curious so they drop a small stone into the well, but they never hear it hit bottom. They search and find a larger rock and drop it into the well but once […]

Windsor castle, outside of London, is directly in the flight path of Heathrow International Airport. While a group of tourist was standing outside the castle admiring the elegant structure, a plane flew overhead at a relatively low altitude making a tremendous amount of noise. One particularly annoyed tourist whined, “Why did they build the castle […]

The tourist: “Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?”

The frightened tourist: “Are there any bats in this cave?”The guide: “There were, but don’t worry, the snakes ate all of them.”

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown.started to explain the length of the flight and the passportinformation when she interrupted me with “I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts.” Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, […]

Someone — always a man — always asks, “does theship run on generators?” The Cruise Director usuallytells them, “No, we just have a very long power linerunning to the mainland.”

There was some mix-up with a woman’s room. Theclerk (or whatever they are called on ships) wastrying to remedy the situation. He asked, “Would youlike an inside cabin or an outside cabin?” Shereplied, “Well, it looks like it might rain today.I’d better get an inside cabin.”

A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and anolder gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showingthe glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had agood week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him arare feeling of generosity. He called them into his […]