Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor thathe’s worried about getting real seasick. The doctor tells him,”Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.”Steve says, “Will that keep me from getting sick?”The doctor says, “No, but it’ll look real pretty in the water.”

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, “I’m […]

Helpful advice for travellers:If you are going to get on a commercial flight, take a bomb with you.BECAUSE: What are the odds of TWO guys being on the SAME PLANE at the SAME TIME with a bomb?

A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk! He runs around and yells, “Hey, bud, this is my car!” “OK,” the […]

A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travelbag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed tostuff it in the overhead bin. “Do you always carry such heavy luggage?” she sighed.”No more,” the man said. “Next time, I’m riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the […]

This woman is visiting in Israel and notices that her little travel alarm needs a battery. She looks for a watch repair shop and while she doesn’t read Hebrew she finally sees a shop with clocks and watches in the window. She goes in and hands the man her clock. The man says, “Madam, I […]

A German tourist walks into a McDonald’s in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald’s actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: “They don’t serve BEER here, you MORON!” The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly […]

A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered. They had died in the act of making love.”How awful !” exclaimed the wife.”Si, but what a great way to spend […]

The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to ahot dog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.”The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, whopays with a $20 bill.The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. “Where’s […]

Father O’Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for solong, that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been marriedand he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So,he decides to go to the States before it is too late. He hops on theplane bound for Nevada. […]

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable.The food is terrible. It’s too hot. It’s too cold. The accommodations are awful.The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. “Good luck will be followin’ ya all […]

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audiencewould bedifferent each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the sametricks over and overagain. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the showseach week andbegan to understand how the magician did every trick. Once heunderstood he startedshouting in the […]