A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark night. The passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up on the sidewalk, and stops inches from a shop window. For a second everything […]

Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee, listening to the weather report coming over the radio.”There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared,” the weather report said. “You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets.”Ole […]

One day, two guys were driving to a local grocery store to get some food. On the way to the store they ran into an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red.The man driving went right through the red light. The passenger looked at the driver and screamed, “What the heck are you doing? […]

A man walks into an auto parts store and says “I’d like a rear view mirror for my Yugo.”The man behind the counter thinks about this for a while, then says “Yup, seems like a fair trade to me.”

Andy wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector puts this question to him: “What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?”Andy says, “I would switch the points for one […]

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.The Italian customer agent stops them and tells them: “Itsa illegal to putta fiva people ina Quattro.””What do you mean it’s illegal?” asked the Englishmen.”Quattro means four,” replies the Italian official.”Quattro is just the name of the automobile,” the Englishmen says disbelievingly. “Look at the […]

After seeing a documentary on how inner city youths can removethe wheels of cars in under 4 seconds with no specialistequipment, the McLaren team decided to fire their pit crew andhire four of the youths as most races can be won or lost in thepit lane.The first race came along and the car came into […]

In a very small alley two trucks driving in opposite directions meet.As the drivers are equally stubborn, neither of them wants to reverse.They angrily look one at the other.Finally, one of them picks up a newspaper and starts reading.The other one politely asks, “When you’ve finished the paper, will you please bring it over, and […]

“When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step.””If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you.”

A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got a phone in my Yugo!” The driver of the Rolls looked over and […]

A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his automobile. “I’ve circled the block for 20 minutes. I’m late for an appointment, and if I don’t park here I’ll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses.” When he came back he found a parking ticket and this note: “I’ve circled the block for […]

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?A: Carry loaded weapons.