A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. “In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.” A voice from the back of the […]

All the fraternity brothers left the house for a long weekend except for Grady, who decided to stay behind and get some studying done. One night Grady heard a noise under his bed. Fearing it might be a burglar, he leaned over and whispered, “Anybody there?” “No,” said the burglar. “That’s funny,” the boy said […]

Tad answered the Tennessee State frat house phone. “Hi,” said the voice, “this is Rollie. Come on over, we’re having a real wildass party.” “Shit, Ah’d shore love to,” said Tad, “but Ah got me a bad case of gonorrhea.” “Bring it along!” answered Rollie. “The way thangs is goin’, mah buddies’ll drink anythin’!”

Soderling, the star college halfback, was taking a math exam. The coach desperately needed him to play in the Syracuse game on Saturday, so the professor agreed to give him an oral exam. “All right,” said the prof. “How many degrees are there in a circle?” “Uh, depends,” said the boy. “How big is that […]

A Mississippi professor was at a party and became indignant when asked if college professors were absent-minded. “Professors haven’t got bad memories,” he declared. “They’re not absent-minded. Don’t you think I know where I am right now, and don’t you think tomorrow I’ll know where I was last night? Would somebody like to ask me […]

Mrs. McKenzie was showing Corbett, the contractor, through the second floor of her new house to show him what colors to paint the rooms. “I’d like the bathroom done in white!” Corbett walked over to the window and shouted, “Green up! Green up!” “I want the bedroom in blue!” continued the woman. The contractor listened […]

Biddle and Payne, two elderly English professors, were having lunch in the cafeteria. During the course of the conversation, Biddle said,”A student gave me a peculiar answer in class today. I asked who wrote the Merchant of Venice and a sophomore said, “Please, sir, it wasn’t me!” “Ha, ha!” laughed Payne. “And I suppose the […]

A survey was being taken on the University of Arizona campus. The survey taker asked a soccer player, “What do you think of bilingualism?” “Oh, I think it’s okay,” said the boy, “if it’s between consenting adults.”

Arvil was coming out of the Texas University student building when he was stopped by two coeds. “Would you like to become a Jehovah’s Witness?” asked one of the girls. “No, I really couldn’t. I didn’t see the accident.”

Professor: I forgot to take my umbrella this morning. Wife: When did you first miss it, dear? Professor: When I reached up to close it after the rain had stopped.

“Where are my shoes?” asked the Iowa State professor as the class ended. “They’re on your feet,” said one of the students. “So they are,” said the professor. “It’s a good thing you saw them, or I would have gone home without them!”

What is the second stupidest thing in the world? An Arkansas architectural student out in the middle of the ocean trying to build a foundation for a house. What is the stupidest thing in the world? An Arkansas contractor trying to build a house on the foundation.