What did the burglar say to the lady who caught him stealing her silver? I’m at your service, ma’am.
‘It’s a pity you’ve gone on hunger strike,’ said the convict’s girlfriend on visiting day. ‘Why ?’ ‘I’ve put a file in your cake.’
A boy is in a prison cell with no windows and no doors: there are no holes in the ceiling or trapdoors in the floor, yet in the morning the jailers find him gone. How did he get out ?Through the doorway – there were no doors remember !
Policeman: Did you know your vehicle was reported stolen?Criminal: It wasn’t when I took it.
Detective: Why did you dump those vegetables on my desk?Criminal: You said it was time to spill the beans.
Detective: How did you get into counterfeiting?Criminal: I answered an ad that said, “Make money at home.”
Detective: Do you think I should put on the cuffs?Criminal: Why? You look good in short sleeves.
Criminal: Why don’t you hire these twins for the robbery, boss?Criminal Boss: I’m afraid of a double-cross.
Victim (to mugger): But my watch isn’t any good, it only has sentimental value.Mugger: That’s all right. I’m sentimental.
A police officer was escorting a prisoner to jail when his hat blew off. “Shall I run and get it for you?” asked the prisoner obligingly. “You must think I’m daft,” said the officer. “You stand here and I’ll get it.”
“What makes you think the prisoner was drunk?” asked the judge. “Well, Your Honor,” replied the arresting officer, “I saw him lift up a manhole cover and walk away with it, and when I asked him what it was for he said, ‘I want to listen to it on my record-player!’ “
