Waiter, waiter! There’s a dead fly in my soup. Oh no! Who’s going to look after his family?

Doctor, doctor, I feel dead from the waist down. I’ll arrange for you to be halfburied.

If a man was born in England, raised in America and died in Spain, what does that make him? Dead.

Did you hear about the two men who were cremated at the same time? It was a dead heat.

Did you hear about the man who left his job at the mortuary? It was a dead end job.

First ghoul: You don’t look too well today. Second ghoul: No, I’m dead on my feet.

Where do ghosts go for their holidays? The Dead Sea.

What do you find in a zombie’s veins? Dead blood corpuscles.

What’s a zombie’s favorite pop song? Dead sails in the sunset.

What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years? Pete.

What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and flies? A dead cat.

What is the difference between a musician and a dead body? One composes and the other decomposes.