A man is fibbing away about how great things are in his country. Finally, he starts describing the tall buildings in his country. “There is a building so tall, it took my friend Alex 72 hours to fall off it!” “Oh, my God!” says his friend. “Surely he must have died!” “Of course. He was […]

Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea?Pupil: Dead ?, I didn’t even know he was sick !

A chap went up to the counter in the library and said, “Have you got any books about committing suicide?”The librarian said, “Yes. Take a look over there, somewhere on the middle shelf.”The chap came back a few moments later and said, “I can’t find any at all.”The librarian replied, “Yes, it’s awful. They never […]

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife’s wrinkled hand reaches out, […]

There was a great loss today in the entertainment world. The man who wrote the song “Hokey Pokey” died. What was really horrible is that they had trouble keeping the body in the casket. They put his left leg in….Well, you know the rest.

Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. “Reverend,” she wailed, “John and I had a DREADFUL fight!” “Calm down, my child,” said the minister, “it’s not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!” “I know, I know!” said Joanna, “but what am I […]

Q: What is the definition of Death?A: When you stop paying taxes suddenly.

Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup !Yes, it’s the rotting meat that attracts them !

What are you doing? I’m trying to call Washington! Oh, haven’t you heard? He’s dead!

Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon ?Because he was dead !

When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave ?Rust in peace !

Why did the cowboy die with his boots on ?Because he didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket !