The president got off the helicopter in front of the White House with a baby hog under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “Nice pigs, sir”. The president replied, “These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback hogs. I got one for Hillary and I got one for Chelsea.” […]

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed thestudents, pointing out some of the rules, saying, “Thefemale dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all malestudents, and the male dormitory to the female students.Anyone caught breaking this rule once will be fined $50.”He continued, “Anyone caught breaking this rule a secondtime will be fined $150. Being […]

A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, you have to help me!”The doctor asks, “What’s your problem?”The guy says, “Every morning I wake up with my ‘morning flagpole’…givethe wife a quick one, and then go to work. On the way to work, I carpoolwith the next door neighbor’s wife who gives me a […]

A couple just got married, and when the husband went back to his househe found that his bride had disappeared. He got very worried andgathered up all his friends to search for his wife with no success.Two days after his wife disappeared the man returned home to find herin the kitchen. He asked her what […]

An American tourist went into a restaurant in a Spanish provincial city fordinner, and asked to be served the specialty of the house. When the disharrived, he asked what kind of meat it contained.”Senor, these are the cojones,” the waiter replied.”The what, you say?” exclaimed the tourist.”They are the testicles of the bull killed in […]

Winnie and Piglet sit on the bank of the river and smoke dope.A crocodile comes out of the river:- Hey pals, let me have a whiff.- Get lost, oh green one!- Come on guys, just one!- Go %@~# yourself!So what would you do? Well, the crocodile swallows Piglet and sits in his place.Winnie, inhaling, is […]

Winnie-the-Pooh is eating a roll. Piglet arrives.- Give me some roll, Winnie!- It’s not a roll, it’s a bun.- Give me some bun, Winnie!- It’s not a bun, it’s a bap.- Give me some bap, Winnie!- Get lost, you pig! Stop being such a pain in the neck! You can’t even make up your mind!

A man walked into an appliance store and asked the price of a 25″ remote controlled color television set. “One dollar,” the clerk replied. “You’ve got to be kidding.” “Look, Mac,” the clerk said, “do you want it or not?” Of course, the customer gave him a dollar. On the way out with his incredible […]

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldn’t figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at […]

A girl brings a guy home one night. They get into her apartment and immediately she suggests that they do “69”. “What the hell is that?” asks the guy. Realizing he’s inexperienced, she tries to explain,”I put my head between your legs and you put your head between mine.” Still not knowing what she’s talking […]

Two teenagers wander off to the bushes during a softball game on the outskirts of town and start necking. After a while the boy stops. “You know we’ve been doing this for a few weeks now and I think it’s time we went all the way,” he pleads. “Well, maybe,” she says, “But I’m a […]

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he […]