A knight and his men returned to their castle after a hard day of fighting. “Howare we faring?” asked the king. “Sire!” replied the knight, “I have been robbingand pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies to thewest.” “What?” shrieked the king, “I don’t have any enemies to the west!” […]

An old man in a nursing home awoke one day andtrundled down the hallway to the community breakfastroom looking rather forlorn. Ms. Smith, a nurse, methim in the hallway. She greeted him smilingly andasked how he was this day.Mr. Jones allowed that not all was well; in fact, hispenis had died during the night. Ms. […]

My wife rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items. She headed for theexpress line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned toher.”Excuse me,” she said, “I’m in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?”The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and […]

Two old men were sat on a bench outside a nursing home having a chat. “How areyou, Richard?” asked George. “I’m not feeling too good today, I’m utterlyexhausted,” replied Richard. “I’ve pulled a muscle, and it’s killing me.” “I’msurprised that a pulled muscle makes you feel so tired,” said George. Richardyawned and said, “Well, it […]

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they findthat they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off thelights because they can’t see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. “Honey,” she signs, “Why don’t […]

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playinglike they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.The husband hashis lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, “No, no, no,”you’re gripping the club way too hard!” “Well, what should I do?” asks the man. “Hold the […]

Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road onenight when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Bill told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners whathad happened. About one hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to thecar with a […]

Three Friends an Italian a German and a Greek they decided to bet it’s other100 euros who is going to make their wives scream more from sex.So they all go home to have sex with their wives so they make them scream.The next day the meet.The Italian says, “I made love to my wife for […]

A woman checked in at the pearly gates and asked to join her former husband,Walter Smith. Saint Peter said, “We have five million Walter Smiths. Give us alittle clue.”The woman said, “My Walter is bald and has blue eyes, and he said that if I everslept with another man he’d turn over in his grave.”Saint […]

The Smith’s were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestorshad come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senatorsand Wall Street wizards.They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for theirchildren and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only oneproblem arose — how to handle that great-uncle George, who wasexecuted in the electric […]

Once upon a time, a guy was sitting at a bar. He was throwing money around, giving the barman hundred dollar tips and buying drinks for everyone. He was surrounded by a crowd of adoring women. The barman liked the tips, but he was kind of curious about a little man thatwould jump from the […]

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother,”Mom, what’s sex?” His mother, who believed in all the most modern educationaltheories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the trickysubject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form whichhe had brought home from school […]