Two postmen are on break having a cigarette. While on this break one postman says “Hey look at that snail”. The other postman looks down and says “FUCK” and step steps on the snail. Postman 1 looks at him and says “Why’d you do that”. Postman2 replys “Because that fucker has been following me all […]

Two elderly ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. The lady asked, “What’s that?” “A condom,” the other lady responded. “This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.” “Where […]

Two, old drunks in a bar. The first one says, “Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn’t bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. “By the time I was 50, I could […]

Two elderly Southern women are sitting on the veranda sipping lemonade and reminiscing about old times.One says to the other, “Darling, do you remember the minuet?”The other replies, “Sweetheart, I can’t even remember the ones I screwed!”

A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to amarriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning andlistening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main problem.He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug.He looked at […]

A husband and wife are in bed watching “Who Wants to be a Millionaire”.The husband asks for sex.The wife says, “No.” >Her husband asks,”Is that your final answer?” >She responds, “Yes.”He says,”Then, I’d like to call a friend.”

A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porchtogether, when grandpa pulls a beer out of a cooler. the little boy asked,”Grandpa, can I have a beer?” Grandpa replied, “Can your dick touch yourass?”The little boy answered no.Grandpa said “Then you’re not man enough to have a beer.”A little later […]

The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. “Mom,” shesaid, “I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy.”The mother took a deep breath and began, “When two people love, honor, andrespect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing…””I know how to fuck, mother,” the bride-to-be […]

A minister gave a talk to the Lions Club on sex. When he got home, he couldn’ttell his wife that he had spoken about sex, so he said he had discussedhorseback riding with the members.A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and theycomplimented her on the speech her husband […]

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minuteslater, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutesafter that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. “What’s all thescreaming about in there? […]

A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in aManhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work forhim as his valet. “Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in thearmy,” the general said. “Nothing to it – you’ll catch on again fast.”Next morning […]

A guy is strolling along a sandy beach one day when he comes acrossa very old bottle. He’s just dusting it off when two rather tired lookinggenies pop out “Two genies!” he exclaims. “That must mean six wishes!””Sorry, buddy, it’s three or nuthin’,” say the genies, “and hurry up”.The guy makes his three wishes and […]