A farmer was interviewing a young man for the job of assistant farmhand.`You’ll need to be fit,’ said the farmer. `Have you ever had any illnesses? Any accidents?”No, sir,’ replied the young man proudly. `But you’re on crutches. You must have had an accident!’ said the farmer.`Oh, the crutches!’ said the young man. `A bull […]

An old farmer is driving down a country road in his pickup truck whenit starts making an awful noise. He stops the truck and crawlsunderneath to investigate the problem.”Hmmm…muffler’s loose. I bet I could fix that if I had a MonkeyWrench.” He says.He crawls out from underneath the truck and looks down the road. Offin […]

A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a strollin the fields when they came across a cow and acalf rubbing noses.”Boy,” said the farmer, “that sure makes me want todo the same.””Well, go ahead,” said his girlfriend. “It’s your cow.”

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy hollow in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some […]

An accountant is in a car travelling with a farmer client around his farm.They pass a large mob of sheep and the farmer says, “You’re pretty good with numbers, Keith. How many sheep do you reckon are in that paddock?”The accountant looks at the sheep for a moment and says, “One thousand, eight hundred and […]

A farmer gets sent to jail, and his wife is trying to hold the farm together until her husband can get out. She’s not, however, very good at farm work, so she writes a letter to him in jail: “Dear sweetheart, I want to plant the potatoes. When is the best time to do it?”The […]

On a drive in the country, a city slicker noticed a farmer lifting a pig up to an apple tree and holding the pig there as it ate one apple after another.”Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about,” said the city slicker, “but if you just shook the tree so the apples fell to […]

There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer: “What do you use to feed your pigs?””Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?””Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don’t feed them like you […]

A farm boy was drafted. On his first furlough, his Father asked him what he thought of Army life.”It’s pretty good Pa. The food’s not bad, the work’s easy but best of all, they let ya sleep real late in the morning.”

An agriculture student said to a farmer: “Your methods are too old fashioned. I won’t be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples.””I won’t be surprised either,” said the farmer, “this is an orange tree”.

There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted […]

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car. A cloud of feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse, rang the door bell. A farmer appeared. The man, somewhat nervously said, “I think I killed your rooster, please […]