Diner: What’s wrong with these eggs I ordered?Waiter: Don’t ask me. I only laid the table.

Diner: Waitress, the portions are getting smaller.Waiter: It’s just an optical illusion. It’s just that the restaurant has been enlarged.

Diner: Waiter, please close the window.Waiter: Why, is there a draft?Diner: Yes, it’s blown my steak off the plate three times.

Diner: May I please have a glass of water?Waiter: Why, are you thirsty?Diner: No, I want to see if my neck leaks.

Diner: Could I have a glass of water?Waiter: To drink?Diner: No, I want to rinse out a few things.

Customer: Why is this sandwich half eaten? Waiter: I didn’t have time to finish it.

Customer: Why don’t you have doggie bags?Waiter: That would be cruelty to animals.

Customer: Why don’t you eat here, waiter?Waiter: Serving it is bad enough, I don’t want to compound the felony.

Customer: Why doesn’t your menu list prices?Waiter: We didn’t want to make you sick before the food does.

Customer: Why doesn’t this restaurant have any specials?Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special.

Customer: Why does your sign say “Fine Dining”?Waiter: We can dream, can’t we?

Customer: What is this fly doing in my alphabet soup?Waiter: Probably learning to read.