Camper: There’s something wrong with my hot dog.Cook: Don’t tell me. I’m not a veterinarian.
A fat girl went into a cafe and ordered two slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice cream cover with lashings of raspberry sauce and piles of chopped nuts.’Would you like a cherry on the top ?’ asked the waitress.’No, thanks,’ said the girl, ‘I’m on a diet !’
What did the ice cream say to the unhappy cake? “Hey, what’s eating you?”
A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, “Ketchup!”
An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. “Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area.””Heck, Gloria,” […]
What did the female mushroom say about the male mushroom?”He’s a real fun guy [fungi].”
Why are fried onions like a photocopy machine? They keep repeating themselves.
What do you get if you cross a bee with a quarter of a pound of ground beef? A humburger.
Why did the teacher have her hair in a bun? Because she had her nose in a hamburger.
First boy: She had a beautiful pair of eyes, her skin had the glow of a peach, her cheeks were like apples and her lips like cherries – that’s my girl. Second boy: Sounds like a fruit salad to me.
Teacher: If you saw me standing by a witch, what fruit would it remind you of? Pupil: A pear.
