Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can’t get toheaven?Ted: No, but the more you smoke the quicker you’ll get there.
A cattleman from West Texas died & went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, “Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas.””The gatekeeper replied, “First of all, I’m not Saint Peter and second, […]
Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
A doctor, an engineer, and a fungal taxonomist arrived at The Pearly Gates.The doctor said how he’d healed the sick, helped the lame; but he was a sinner and was sent to Hell.The engineer told how he’d built homes for the homeless, etc.; but he messed up the environment, so he was sent to Hell.The […]
Morty the producer dies and goes to purgatory. The agent behind the counter says “So Morty, what’s it gonna be Heaven or Hell?” Morty asks, “What’s the difference?” Sid says “Take a look at the monitor over here.” Morty goes to the monitor and sees scenes of heaven where people are quietly floating on clouds […]
A Director arrives below and is met by Satan who shows him around. Turns out that Hell is a gigantic movie studio with the latest and best equipment, stages, great actors, etc. Director thinks its great and asks Satan what heaven is like if hell is this good. Satan says heaven is exactly like this, […]
In Heaven:The cooks are French,The policemen are English,The mechanics are German,The lovers are Italian,The bankers are Swiss.In Hell:The cooks are English,The policemen are German,The mechanics are French,The lovers are Swiss,The bankers are Italian.
An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He is met by St Peter who goes through the usual questionnaire. “What sort of accountant are you?” says St Peter”Public Practitioner,” is the reply.”Name?”He gives his name. St Peter goes through some files and pulls one out.”Oh, yes. We’ve been expecting you. You’ve reached your allotted span,” […]
Three college football coaches were flying across the country when their airplane crashed and all three died. They all noticed God up in the clouds sitting in a chair. God motioned for one of them to come into the clouds. God wanted to know three things: “Who are you? What did you do? What did […]
A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says “get in, get in!” The religous man replies, ” no I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle.”Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by […]
