It was so hot when we went on holiday last year that we had to take turns sitting in each other’s shadow.
Did you hear about the man who jumped in the Hudson River? He committed sewercide.
Dad, did you manage to fix my toy? No, it’s not broken, the battery’s flat. Well, what shape should it be?
A man went in to the bank and asked to see the man who arranged the loans. ‘I’m sorry, sir,’ said a cashier, ‘the loan arranger is out to lunch.’ ‘Can I speak to Tonto, then?’ asked the man.
What’s the best way to increase the size of your bank balance? Look at it through a magnifying glass.
Bank manager: I’m sorry, sir, you can’t open an account with this sort of money. They’re wooden pieces! Lumberjack: But I only want to open a shavings account.
When Fred was applying for a credit card, the manager of the credit card company asked him if he had much money in the bank. “I have,” said Fred. “How much?” asked the manager. “I don’t know exactly,” said Fred, “I haven’t shaken it lately.”
At the scene of a bank raid the police officer came running up to his inspector and said, “He got away, sir!” The inspector was furious. “But I told you to put a man on all the exits!” he roared. “How could he have got away?” “He left by one of the entrances, sir!”
A gang of witches broke into a blood bank last night and stole a thousand pints of blood. Police are still hunting for the clots.
A magician was employed by a Shipping Line to entertain the passengers during cruises. The captain owned a parrot which always insisted on being part of the acts put on by the magician. He would perch on the edge of the stage and screech, “He does it with a mirror” or “He’s got it up […]
What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus?The police made him bring it back again.
