Judge: Are you married?A. No, I’m divorced.Judge. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?A. A lot of things I didn’t know about.

Judge: All your responses to the questions must be oral. Do you understand?A: YesJudge: What school did you attend in the fall of 1995?A: Oral.

Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?Defendant: No, I did not.Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?Defendant: Yes, I do. And they’re a hell of a lot better than the penalty for murder.

A prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you […]

A young woman was appearing in court to face a public disorder charge. The charges were read out, and she was asked how she pleaded. “Not guilty,” the woman answered emphatically.The prosecution council then approached the woman and said: “Is it true that on the 11th of December, last year, you committed an act of […]

People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.

Judge: “Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?”Defendant: “Yes, it’s true.”Judge: “Then, why don’t you just pay him back?”Defendant: “Because it wouldn’t be true anymore.”

The judge said to his dentist: “Pull my tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.”

The Judge asked the defendant, “Mr. Jones ,do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?””I do.””Now what do you say to defend yourself?””Your Honor, under those limitations… nothing.”