First person: Do you know how to save five lawyers who are drowning?Second person: No.First person: Good!
Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which side to spit on.
Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titantic.
A convicted con man was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. To which one judge remarked, “I should have suspected he wasn’t a lawyer. He was always so punctual and polite.”
“Excuse me,” a young fellow said to an older librarian, “I’ve just moved here and I wonder if this town has any criminal lawyers.””Well,” replied the librarian, “I have lived here all my life and all I can tell you is we are pretty sure we do, but no one has been able to prove […]
A persistent job-seeker once appeared before President Lincoln and demanded an appointment to a judgeship. He was informed that there were no vacancies. The next day, while walking along the river, he saw a drowned man being pulled out, and recognized him as a federal judge.He ran back to the White House and demanded the […]
A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. “Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them,” instructed the lawyer.The witness hesitated. “But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear,” she protested.”Then,” said the attorney, “just whisper them to the judge.”
The first lawyer questioning a panel of prospective jurors began right off as an intimidating showman. When he came to his question, “Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?” they stiffened and hesitated.Before the pause became too long, the judge announced, “I do.”
A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlightsbroken and considerable damage. There’s no sign of theoffending vehicle but he’s relieved to see that there’s anote stuck under the windshield wiper.”Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who sawthe accident are nodding and smiling at me because they thinkI’m leaving my […]
A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he wouldn’t make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and asks him to come and sit by his bed. […]
“You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man ofyour background,” sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. “If I wasn’t under oath, I’d return the compliment,” replied the witness.
