Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying.She moaned to her mom and brother, “Nobody loves me … the whole world hates me!”Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her […]
A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.Calling out to the patient, the man says, “Pardon me, sir, but do you have the […]
After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer’s file and called him into his office.”Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you’re ready to go home. I’m only sorry […]
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, “You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly.”On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?””Yes,” the boy’s mother answered.”And how is your son now?” the psychiatrist asked.”Who cares?” the mother replied.
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over […]
Two psychiatrists were walking down a hall.One turned to the other and said, “Hello.”The other one thought, “I wonder what he meant by that.”
How many Histrionic P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?”You want me to change the lightbulb? I could burn my hand! I could be electrocuted! I could fall off the ladder and be paralyzed for life! You don’t love me anymore!”
How many Dependent P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?None, he’s still clinging to the old lightbulb.
How many Passive Aggressive P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?Oops.I can’t believe I broke the last one. I guess you’ll have to sit in the dark.
How many Obsessive-Compulsive P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?Just one. But he has to check it 100 times, one for each watt.
How many Borderline P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?Just one. To threaten suicide if you don’t change it for him/her.
Three patients at a psychiatric clinic are up for release. The shrink informs them that they will have to pass a simple test. Asking the first patient: Q. How much is two plus two? A: Blue. At which the kind doctor calls in the orderly to escort the patient back to his room. Turning to […]
