Waiter on ocean liner: Would you like the menu, sir? Monster: No thanks, just bring me the passenger list.

What happened to Ray when he met the man-eating monster? He became an ex-Ray.

Mommy monster: Don’t eat that uranium. Little monster: Why not? Mommy monster: You’ll get atomic-ache.

Little monster: Mom, Mom, what’s for tea? Mother monster: Shut up and get back in the microwave.

Little monster: Mom, why can’t we have dustbins like everyone else? Mother monster: Less talking, more eating please.

Little monster: Mom I’ve finished. Can I leave the table? Mommy monster: Yes, I’ll save it for your tea.

MONSTER MOTHER: How many times have I told you not to eat with your fingers? Use the spade like everyone else.

FIRST MONSTER: I fancy eating the city of Hong Kong tonight. Care to join me? SECOND MONSTER: No thanks, I can’t stand Chinese food.

FIRST MONSTER: Am I late for dinner? SECOND MONSTER: Yes, everyone’s been eaten.

What’s the hardest part of making monster soup? Stirring it.

What do they have for lunch at Monster School?Human beans, boiled legs, pickled bunions and eyes-cream.

What is a monster’s favourite drink?Demonade.