Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the second, “My eyesight isn’t what it used to be. Can you watch my ball for me?”.The second guy says, “Sure! I see fine. […]

What’s the worst thing about having to kiss Grandma?When the damn coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.

The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife wereshopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the man’soldest friend bumped into him. Eyeing the curvaceousblonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace,the friend asked “How in the hell did YOU land a wifelike that?” The old man whispered back, “Easy. I told […]

Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow. “How old was your husband?” he asked.”He was ninety-eight,” she answered softly. “Two years oder than I am.””Really?” the undertaker said. “Hardly worth going home, wouldn’t you say?”

A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye.”What on earth,” she inquired of the artist standing nearby, “is that?”He smiled condescendingly. “That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child.””Well, then,” snapped […]

A little Italian grandfather comes up to Customs.The Customs official says, “Have you got anything to declare?”He thinks a second and he says, “It’s a nice-a day!”

A strained voice called out through the darkenedtheater, “Please, is there a doctor in the house?!” Several men stood up as the lights came on. An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her,”Good, are any of you doctors single and interested ina date with a good, Jewish girl?”

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to […]

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holdingher hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind.A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do notintend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowingup in this high wind?””Yes, I know,” […]

A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in hercabin undressing then suddenly she was overcome by seasickness. In a panic she rushed into the corridor andheaded for the bathroom. It was not until she collidedwith an elderly gentleman that she realized she didn’thave a stitch of clothing on. Horrified, she let out ashriek. […]

A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments. “My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup.” “Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can’t see to pour the coffee.” “I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck.” “My blood pressure pills make […]

One day, an out-of-work man knocks on the door of a home in an upper-class neighborhood. The lady of the house answers. “Pardon me Mam, Im out of work and looking for any odd jobs that people need done. I’m very handy with everything from repairs to yard work, to painting…” “Painting?” the woman jumped […]