Most Republicans try, at least once, enclosing indulgent, wretchedly maudlin form letters about their families in their Christmas cards. Public ridicule from Democrats usually discourages them from doing it again.
Democrats wear wide red ties and green sports jackets during the festive season. Republicans do too, all year round.
Republicans always take the price tag off expensive gifts before wrapping. Democrats also remove price tags off pricey gifts … and reposition them to make sure they are seen.
Democrats’ favorite Christmas movie is “Miracle on 34th Street.” Republicans’ favorite Christmas movie is “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Right-Wing Republicans’ favorite Christmas movie is “Die Hard.”
Republicans spends hundreds of dollars and hours of work decorating the yard with outdoor lights and Christmas displays. Democrats save their time and money, and drive around at night to look at *other* people’s lights.
Republican parents have no problem buying toy guns for their kids. Democrats refuse to do so. That is why their kids pretend to shoot each other with dolls.
Democrats do much of their shopping at Target and Wal-Mart. So do Republicans, but they don’t admit it.
When not in stores, Republicans shop from a catalog. Democrats watch for “incredible TV offers” on late night television.
Who do they get for Babe the pig’s dangerous movie scenes?A stunt ham.
The teacher was furious with her son. “Just because you’ve been put in my class, there’s no need to think you can take liberties. You’re a pig.” The boy said nothing. “Well! Do you know what a pig is?” “Yes, Mom,” said the boy. “The offspring of a swine.”
What do you get when you cross a pig with a billy goat? A crashing bore.
Why do pigs never recover from illness ? Because you have to kill them before you cure them !
