A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.”You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.”No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do […]

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.He goes up to the guy’s window and says, “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have a really […]

Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.”Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. […]

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout […]

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the […]

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over.The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me […]

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.”The woman answered “Well, I have contacts.”The policeman replied “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!”

Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. “What are those knives doing in your car?” asked the officer. “I juggle them in my act.” “Oh yeah?” says the cop. “Let’s see you do it.” So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, […]

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie’s house, and grandpa Morris gets out.The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park…and couldn’t find his way home. ” Oy Morris “, said grandma, ” You’ve been going to that park for over 30 years ! So […]

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.The passenger, Bubba, said “Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it’s a police roadblock!! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these here beers!!””Don’t worry, Bubba,” Earl said. “We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’ these beers then peel off the […]

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer – who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.”Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “Gomer, what is 1 and 1?””11” he replied.The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but he’s right.””What two days of […]

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. “Listen,” said the shoplifter, “I know you don’t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?” The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the […]