A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. 200 yards further he’s stopped by a police officer. Officer: “Good evening sir. We’re testing drivers for drunken driving. Would you please blow into this machine?”. Man: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that. I have asthma. If I blow on that machine I […]

Why do Iraqi police officers walk in threes? The first knows how to read, the second knows how to write and the third is to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

Veronica was practicing the piano when suddenly there was a loud pounding on the front door. She opened it and found a breathless cop. “What’s the matter?!” she asked. “Where’s the body?!” demanded the officer. “What are you talking about?” “We just got a tip that some guy named Mozart was being murdered in this […]

Police Chief: Why do you spend all your time trying to hit flies?Officer: You assigned me to the swat team, didn’t you?

Police Chief: Why did you tie a rope on that criminal?Officer: You ordered me to get a line on the suspect.

Police Chief: Why did you ticket the computer?Officer: It was speeding along the information highway.

Police Chief: Why did you arrest that doctor?Officer: He was trying to take someone’s pulse.

Police Chief: Why are you putting handcuffs on that building?Officer: I’m making a house arrest

Motorist: Why are you crying after giving me that ticket?Policeman: It was a moving violation.

Cop: Why didn’t you stop when I shouted at you back there?Motorist: I thought you were saying “Good morning, Mr. Mayor.”Cop: Right. I wanted to warn you about going too fast through the next town.

Woman: Officer you must help. I’ve just lost my wig. Police officer: Certainly, ma’am, we’ll comb the area.

How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow-worm? He has a flashing light.