Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?””I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests.””I don’t mean that,” the […]

Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. “Hungry, Seymour?” the Lord asked.”I could eat,” said Seymour.The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it.While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants […]

A priest was vested in his surplus and cassock ready to process at the beginning of the service. His surplus was very ornate and he was swinging the incense pot which had smoke coming from it. A lady touched him on the shoulder and said, “Darling, I love your dress; but your purse is on […]

One day God called the Pope, and he said “John Paul I have good news and bad news. First the good news. I am tired of all the squabbling between the religions. I have decided there will be only the one true religion”. The Pope was overjoyed and told God how wise his decision was, […]

On the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. After a while, he turned the the bishop sitting next to him and said,”What’s a four -letter word ending in “unt” which means “woman”?The bishop said,”Did you try “aunt”?The Pope said,”Mmmm. Do you have an eraser?”

A Jesuit, a Dominican and a Franciscan were walking along an old road, debating the greatness of their orders. Suddenly, an apparition of the Holy Family appeared in front of them, with Jesus in a manger and Mary and Joseph praying over him. The Franciscan fell on his face, over come with awe at the […]

Q. How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish?A. When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him.

Two nuns were driving alone out in the boonies. They ran out of gas. Fortunately they could walk to a gas station not far away, where they asked to purchase a can of gasoline. “I’m sorry, sister,” said the attendant, “but all I have for you to carry it in is an old chamberpot. The […]

And Jesus said unto his disciples, “Whom do men say that I am?”And His disciples answered unto Him, “Master, thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, divine, sacerdotal monarch.”And Jesus said, “What?”

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’dtake it and throw it into the river.”With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”And then finally, […]

The church was conducting its annual fund drive. One member of the congregation said, “I give ten dollars.” Just then, a piece of plaster fell from the ceiling and landed on his head. He spoke up again quickly. “I give a thousand dollars!”The minister said, “Lord, hit him again!”

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy,” she said. “Can we leave now?” “No,” her mother replied. “Well, I think I have to throw up!” “Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.” […]