Boy to Friend: I’m sorry, I won’t be able to go out after school. I promised Dad that I would stay in and help him with my homework.

‘I’m not going to school today,’ Alexander said to his mother. ‘The teachers bully me and the boys in my class don’t like me.’ ‘Why ?”Firstly, you’re 35 years old. Secondly, you’re the principal.’

School Principal: I’ve called you into my office, Peter, because I want to talk to you about two words I wish you wouldn’t use so often. One is “great” and the other is “lousy.” Peter: Certainly, sir. What are they?

Teacher: What happened to your homework? Pupil: I made it into a paper plane and someone hijacked it.

What’s the longest piece of furniture in the school? The multiplication table.

Teacher: Didn’t you know the bell had gone? Fred: I didn’t take it, Miss.

Teacher: Why do you want to work in a bank, Alan? Fred: ‘Cuz there’s money in it, sir.

Did you hear what happened when there was an epidemic of laryngitis at school? The school nurse sent everyone to the croakroom.

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. He wore it under his shirt and it was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest class […]

Johnny comes back from school crying and says, “Mommy all the kids in the school say I have a big head.” His mother replies, “No you don’t Johnny. You have a hideously deformed head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect your feelings.” […]

How many students does it take to change a light bulb?None. Light bulb changing isn’t in the course notes.

How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb?None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.