Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please ?Pupil: There it is Teacher: Now, Louise, who discovered Australia ?Pupil: Fred did !

Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of Pupil: Life imprisonment !

Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia ?Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines !

Teacher: What is can’t short for ?Pupil: Cannot missTeacher: and what is don’t short for Pupil: Doughnut !

Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days ?Pupil: All of them !

Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won’t freeze ?Pupil: Hot water !

Teacher: Why can’t you ever answer any of my questions ?Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn’t be much point in me being here !

Teacher: This is the third time I’ve had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that?Pupil: Thank heavens it’s Friday !

Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year ?Pupil: 12 – 2nd January, 2nd February…!

Mother: Does your teacher like you ?Son: Like me, she loves me. Look at all those X’s on my test paper !

Mother: How do you like your new teacher ?Son: I don’t. She told me to sit up the front for the present and then she didn’t give me one !

Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning ?About an hour and a half after I arrived at school